How to shoot yourself in the foot

[smallie]

[Inspiriert vom Softwareentwickler-Thread. Gehört eigentlich in's Humor-Unterforum, aber ich befürchte, dort wäre es ein bisschen zu speziell]


C

You shoot yourself in the foot.


FORTRAN

You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If it hurts, you continue anyway because you have no exception-handling facility.


Assembler

- You try to shoot yourself in the foot, only to discover you must first invent the gun, the bullet, the trigger, and your foot.
- You crash the OS and overwrite the root disk. The system administrator arrives and shoots you in the foot. After a moment of contemplation, the administrator shoots himself in the foot and then hops around the room rabidly shooting at everyone in sight.
- By the time you've written the gun, you are dead, and don't have to worry about shooting your feet.
- Using only 7 bytes of code, you blow off your entire leg in only 2 CPU clock ticks.


COBOL

Allocate $500000 for the project. Define gun, bullet, foot. Run press_trigger. Go for coffee break. Return in time to put foot under bullet.


Lisp

You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds...


Unix

% ls foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o
% rm * .o
rm: .o: No such file or directory
% ls
%


370 JCL

You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document explaining how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried.


BASIC

Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On big systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged.


Prolog

You tell your program you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't allow it to explain.


APL
You shoot yourself in the foot; then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters.


Pascal

The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot.


Modula-2

After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head.


C++

You accidently create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying "That's me, over there."


SQL

Create Trigger on gun
if exists(select Bullet from gun)
then delete toe from foot


Oracle

You decide to shoot yourself in the foot and go out to buy a gun - except the gun won't work without "deploying" a shoulder holster solution, and relational titanium alloy bullets, and body armour infrastructure, and a laser sight assistant, and a retractable arm stock application, and an enterprise team of ballistics experts and a chiropodist.


Paradox

Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, your users can too.


PHP

If you're lucky and the HTTP connection doesn't time out, you shoot yourself in the foot.


HTML

[Alchemist]

Ist das nerdig....

[kolja]

[Landei]

Haskell

You write an action to shoot yourself in the foot, but the system is too lazy to actually execute it. If you force the system to execute the action, it won't hurt, as you are not able to pull your foot out of the IO monad.


Gibt es nicht noch einen für Java?
_________________
Der Islam gehört auf den Müllhaufen der Geschichte. Diese Gotteslehre eines unmoralischen Beduinen ist ein verwesender Kadaver, der unser Leben vergiftet. (Kemal Atatürk)

[Landei]

FORTH

Foot in yourself shoot.

Python

You try to shoot yourself in the foot but you just keep hitting the whitespace between your toes.

Ada

After correctly packaging your foot, you attempt to concurrently load the gun, pull the trigger, scream and shoot yourself in the foot. When you try, however, you discover that your foot is of the wrong type.

PL/I

You discover 6752 different guns for shooting yourself in the foot. Before you can decide which one to use, you starve to death.

Perl

You shoot yourself in the foot, but nobody can understand how you did it. Six months later, neither can you.

Java

You amputate your foot at the ankle with a fourteen-pound hacksaw, but you can do it on any platform.

JavaScript

You find that Microsoft and Oracle have released incompatible class libraries both implementing Gun objects. You then find that although there are plenty of Foot objects implemented in the past in many other languages, you cannot get access to one. But, seeing as JavaScript is so cool, you don't care and go around shooting anything else you can find.

LaTeX

compy$ more foot_shooting.tex

\documentclass[12pt]{article}
\usepackage{latexgun,latexshoot}
\begin{document}
See how easy it is to shoot yourself in the foot? \\
\gun[leftfoot]{shoot} \\
\pain
\end{document}

compy$ latex foot_shooting
...
line 6: undefined control sequence \pain
_________________
Der Islam gehört auf den Müllhaufen der Geschichte. Diese Gotteslehre eines unmoralischen Beduinen ist ein verwesender Kadaver, der unser Leben vergiftet. (Kemal Atatürk)